There's a Wedding in the Family!
I'll be sharing all the feels from Wedding week as My baby Sister gets Married to Her Love & what Marriage means to Me now at 42 having been married before.
Hey Love!
It’s been five weeks since I last Wrote to You, I’m so sorry I haven’t been in touch! A lot’s been happening and time’s just flown by! I had wanted to Write every single week and made attempts to do so (I currently have 44 drafts of Love Letters that I start when the inspiration hits and then feel like another Letter wants to be Written instead LOL).
I’m gonna caveat this Letter now by saying I apologise and don’t at the same time for writing in caps a lot in this Letter: I have been going through another Spiritual remembering shall I say, and it’s been a biggie. So now, when I get the nudge I just write in caps because that’s what feels right.
Anyway, I also use My work laptop at the moment, and it is a bit of a pain in the backside. Sometimes it decides to work, others it decides, nah not today I fancy just making things a bit more challenging for You and just well, doesn’t. I have asked for another laptop but this is actually My second or third laptop, so perhaps the issue is Me LOL. Anyway this means even if the intent has been there to Write I have ended up getting a bit frustrated with the lack of cooperation from My laptop and then taken it as a sign that it’s just not the right Time to Write!
I currently work as an Executive Assistant in London (EA to those in the know, and hey!), and took on contract roles whilst I took a pause from My Coaching Business as I had no idea how to move forward with it at that point (I’m aware I’m nattering on at the moment, however it feels so good to just type/ Write again!). Being a Cancer star sign I also tend to get way Romantic about My Love Letters when I do Write them (again, type or Write...? I prefer to say Write but anyway type?!), and I end up either imagining I’m like Meg Ryan in You Got Mail, or Liz Gilbert who Wrote Eat, Pray, Love. That’s the Beauty of Art, it just takes You on a Journey and that’s precisely how I want to approach a Love Story and My Letters to You: like Art. I want to Write something that has meaning, depth and value that isn’t something I just put out there for the sake of a Weekly: I want to Contribute Meaning with My Voice and Writing. So, whilst it has been a moment, forgive Me, I Truly have thought of You and have wanted to Write however Life was happening and then the Art – I just can’t force that😊.
So, what’s been going on?! Well, there are now 360 Beautiful Souls Reading My Love Letters! How amazing! I’m so, so, so thankful to each and every One of You for choosing to be part of this Wonderful Community and it is so Inspiring for Me when I do the daily checks (LOL) as to how many of You are out there across the World reading them. At some point in the future I would LOVE and plan to be holding a Red Rose Retreat, events and other fun things – it would Truly be amazing to actually meet You all in Person 😊 Let Me know in the comments below if this is something You would be interested in or be excited about coming to Live!
Ok, so now cue the music (this one’s for You and James Rubes!). This also happens to be one of My favourite Hindi Love Songs ever - lyrics are in the P.S. at the end of this Letter.
So the main event of the past few weeks was that My Baby Sister got Married! It was SUCH a Beautiful Day and of course She looked absolutely Beautiful. It was so perfect, although there was a slight hitch with the Coach driver in the am to get everyone to the venue which caused a bit of panic and stress, however when we got to the registry office we were told it was considered good luck for the Bride to be late.
The Thursday before the Big Day, She had light Henna done as a nod to Her Heritage (at some point next year She will be having the Big Indian Wedding), which of course is always a Lovely moment to see and marks the beginning of the Bride getting ready for Her Wedding. James, Her Partner, is Christian and so it was also wonderful for His Mum and Sister to get involved.
This is the Beautiful thing about Weddings: they bring everyone together, and everyOne is coming together to celebrate the Union of Two People, and of course, to Celebrate their Love for one another.
When I saw James in tears at the altar waiting for My Sister to make Her final last steps as a Single Woman, the entire room felt as though it was filled with Love. Watching Him show that emotion and it be so genuine was just everything to Witness. It was a Testament to the Power of Love and knowing True Love is alive and well, it does exist and will continue to do so forever. This moment was also graced with a string quartet who were playing “Always” by Jon Bon Jovi, so of course, I was also in tears LOL.
Despite being Punjabi Sikh, the night before the Wedding, We gave My Sister something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue. We’d wanted to watch a Big Fat Greek Wedding with Her and then gift Her the items, because aside from being hilarious and pretty much how My family is down to how the Dad is, there’s this one scene where the Grandma and Mum gift the main character Toula a box. In this box are pictures and the head-dress Her Grandma wore on Her Wedding Day. I’d had this Vision of Us watching the film together and then gifting My Sister Her box however My Sister being the workaholic she is ended up being busy writing Her own newsletter the day before She got married!
Writing this I feel so much Love for the tradition that is Marriage, when You put aside the idea of it being an institution: I mean even thinking about the word institution, it literally makes Me think of well, a mental health institution and this does not Call forward a healthy perspective on it for Me LOL. I’d never even thought about it that way until just now! So putting that aside, when You focus on the tradition of it all, now that’s something special. All the Beautiful practises, the Traditions and their meanings that all Contribute to the Day and what it Truly means when You focus on the actual reason why People do choose to get Married: Love (hopefully!).
This brings Me to My experience of getting married and being married, which in contrast to the Love that is evident between My Sister and Her now Husband, was a little different. The person I married had been married before, and so this was not a new experience for him. That said, I don’t think someOne having been married before is an issue (I mean this is now a part of My experience so I can’t have an issue with it!), his story just didn’t seem legit at the time when We met. Let’s just say that whilst the initial dating period had been very much him going the extra mile to see me and do things, I later came to understand the term “love bombing”. We got engaged six months after we met even though I told him not to and I wasn’t ready, he bought an engagement ring, flew Me to Rome at Christmas and proposed. I did not want to say yes to someone I wasn’t ready to marry, at the same time the pressure of someone doing all that, and societal pressures, I convinced MySelf that some day I was going to marry him so ok, here we go.
The one think I did not do, was Listen to My Inner-Tuition. Eep. Two years and one wedding later, we separated around Valentines Day (the irony), divorced a year later and he got married again two months after. The math didn’t math but to be frank, neither did he so there we go. We were like 2 + 2 = -10 LOL. I can laugh now Writing that but gosh, as a saying I heard in a Jen Aniston film goes, “if You ain’t been divorced, you ain’t Lived”.
That said, I do not recommend the experience of divorce. It is not fun, it is a lengthy process, and honestly, it really does something to someone for a while. I think so anyway. Given the Beautiful Energy of My Sister’s Wedding, I’m not going to go into what My experience of that was here, and this is a Love Letter of its own: Marriage- My dos and don’ts. I think that’s also now Love Letter draft number 45!
What I will say is despite having experienced getting married and divorced to the wrong person (no other way to say it really), it hasn’t jaded My perception or thoughts about it. If anything, it has helped Me to really feel clear about what I do and don’t want, who I am, what I think Marriage truly is and what that looks like for Me. It also helped Me to get clear on the kind of Man I do know is for Me. And even though I was married over 12 years ago now, I am excited for the Day when I get to Marry the Person I do Love and the entire lead up. I am a Romantic, I will always be a Romantic, and Life for Me is worth Living everyday for those Romantic moments that I Create.
A few years ago I decided I would like a Commitment Ceremony, as opposed to the conventional way of getting Married: 1) it’s not legally binding because I don’t believe anyone should be legally bound in Marriage, and 2) it means My Partner will be there everyday because He is choosing to Be not because He has some legal obligation to have to Be there. This to Me is the Ultimate Freedom in Love. Sure, there are practical considerations to think about when it comes to getting a House together and then there’s the legalities around children to consider. Honestly, I’m yet to give those things any real thought. It’s probably worth thinking about, however what l I do know at this point is that I want to be able to feel Free in My partnership whilst also feeling the Love and security that comes when there’s a solid Commitment. And I also would like for My Partner to experience that same sense of Freedom and Commitment with Me.
There’s so much to Write about when it comes to Marriage, being married, the other side if things don’t work out and all the things in between that I just won’t do it justice.
Here is what I will say, for now, and some of My Lessons & Learnings:
My honest advice to You if You are getting Married: focus on Love.
My honest advice to You if You are Single and yet to be Married: focus on Love.
My honest advice to You if You don’t want to get Married: focus on Love.
…and My honest advice to You if You have experienced, or are experiencing heartache around Marriage, or a relationship: focus on Love.
Love is Truly the Medicine to all things no matter what. It stands the test of Time, and it is what We all gravitate towards no matter what our experience looks like. The best part? You were Created by Love, with Love and from Love. You can never not Be Love, only ever have an “experience” that seems like She isn’t there, but She always is because She is You.
My Greatest learning from going through the marriage process before? I say the marriage process with a small “m” because for Me there was no real Love there. Marriage with a capital M, now that’s the real deal. Anyway, back to My learning: it truly does help if You are solid in who You are before You do get Married. Knowing Your own values, Your own wants and needs, being clear about Your absolute nos before You say the Big Yes really will go a long way.
I say this because only when You are clear about who You are, can You attract Your Person who is aligned. Otherwise, it’s like a dating rollercoaster, always wondering why it just isn’t quite working with someone.
I am yet to even Write about the marriage experience for Me or the divorce because it is so personal however the one thing I realised one marriage, one divorce, followed by one seven year long distance relationship, and then one supposed “twin flame” experience later: You will always be the Love that You seek. Once You Truly get this, no One can ever take that Love away. I for One am a Romantic, I will always be a Romantic, and Life for Me is worth Living everyday for those Romantic moments that I Create. I get to choose that, I get to decide how to experience each day, and each moment, noOne else can do that. That’s something special.
I said it before, I’ll say it again: You were Created By Love, with Love, From Love. You are Love HerSelf, and to Love You will return. Love doesn’t hurt. But boy oh boy, choices do LOL. And that My Love, is a Letter that wants, no, needs to be Written. It just seems to be taking it’s Time 😉.
Until next week: sending hugs.
With Love,
PS. As promised, here are the lyrics to the above song - if this doesn’t say Romance, I don’t know what does *swoon* LOL. Enjoy!
When I saw a girl, it felt like
A blooming rose
Like a poet’s dream
Like a bright ray
Ļike a deer in the forest
Like a moonlit night
Like a gentle word
Like a burning lamp in a temple.
(When I saw a girl, it felt like
The beauty of mornings
Like the winter sunshine
Like the melody of a veena
Łike the life of colors
Like a winding vine
Like the play of waves
Ļike a cool breeze bringing fragrance)
A dancing peacock
Like a silken thread
Like the tune of fairies
Łike the fire of sandalwood
Like sixteen adornments
Like a drizzling shower
Like an intoxication slowly increasing).